So How Do You Measure Your Child’s Success as a Parent?

As my family enters the “tween” and teenage years, this is getting harder and harder to define as a parent.

I want my children to be polite, respect their elders but have resiliency and their own minds for forming an intelligent perspective.  Straight A’s in school is good, but it’s not really the end goal.  I want my children to be good citizens, charitable of heart and strong in soul.  Yet I know that they will have their struggles and for me as a parent I know that is a good thing … but hard to witness.

As a mom, I often want to jump in and fix things but that’s not my job.  My “job” is to assist my children in finding their own path, their own passions.  To be the best, overall, balanced person that they can be.  As my husband likes to say, everybody needs a good, strong “wing-man”. 

I celebrate their successes and acknowledge their failures.  In school, children are told they learn more from their mistakes than the easy successes.  Easier said than done as a parent.  (Maybe that’s why we have too many people in society today, who are famous for just being famous!)  I’d rather my children be able to recite the names of the 9 Supreme Court Justices than the Kardashian sisters!  And it takes us as parent to guide the way… and set the example.

So, on a day-to-day basis how do I do that?  For one, pay attentions to the overall school system as a way of building a strong supportive community around them that sets realistic but challenging expectations.  Not just the teacher interaction from year to year but the whole system from top to bottom.  I care about the good teachers, informative test results, strong principals, and visionary superintendents.  But I also care about the active recesses, clean restrooms, healthy lunches, helpful administrators and fair & balanced budgets.

But I am just one parent looking out for my own children.  What can I do? Or any other parent or guardian?

• Educate yourself and your adult “circle of influence” about the issues of the upcoming BSD Operating Referendum and the current efforts of Race-to-the-Top now that we are into Year 2
• VOTE on your opinion of the Referendum when in comes up in March 2012
• If you haven’t already done it, join your local PTA … or if you are just a concerned adult about education you can join on the State level of PTA (de_office@pta.org)
• Donate an extra $5 to the spring book fairs at the local elementary school (That’s less than a week’s worth of coffee.)
• Support the S.T.E.A.M. program(s) throughout BSD.  (Whether music, drama, arts, Lego League, Math League, Odyssey of the Mind or a vibrant chess club, all of these S.T.E.A.M. avenues are important for young, thriving minds.)

We are the adults, looking out for the vibrant youth of today!  ACT ON IT!

Side Note:  Congrats to Elaine Osman, the whole team at Lancashire PTA, Principal Gladfelter and the “real charitable housewives of Delaware” for their quick response and wonderful example of the power of parents and the PTA network in responding to the recent fires at Ballymeade neighborhood.  We can all learn more from their efforts in the New Year.

How was your first half of the school year?

It is so hard to believe as we head into the holidays that the current school year is almost half way over.  It just seems like yesterday that we were buying school supplies and worrying about the teacher(s) our children would be having for the coming school year. 

And a good teacher vs a bad teacher in the classroom can make a HUGE impact on a child's progress for many years to come -- both good and bad.  Think back to your favorite teacher.  It's probably been years but you can still see their face, remember their name and how they made you feel -- wanting to do your best and having someone believe in your potential.  In many mentoring books and biographies about famous people, many mention that special teacher in their lives who helped them find their pathway of today.  Don't our children in the BSD deserve that as well.  Each and every one of them.  Do you feel like your family has received that level of service and professionalism as the first half of the year comes to a close?

Please share your stories and feelings about your child's teacher -- but no actual names.  You can give a school or grade level, but I'm looking for the characteristics and the actions that good and bad teachers are known for in order for us as parents to learn from each other.

Motivating Parent Involvement

Are you motivated as a parent to be involved at your child’s school? Or is it just about fundraising? And test results/report cards? Maybe you attended the Open House at the start of the year or maybe that first PTA meeting. Concerts are coming up, so if your child is active in chorus or band, you’ll probably show up around this time of the year as well.  But in this day and age, with everything that children need to learn in school today and the focus on educational reform, especially here in Delaware, is showing up at your child’s school once or twice within the school year effective?

Researchers have found three key factors that affect whether parents are motivated to become involved in their children’s learning:

1.   How parents develop their job descriptions as parents: Do they know what the school expects them to do? What do their friends and family think is acceptable?

2.   How confident they feel about their ability to help their children: Do they feel they have the knowledge and skills to make a difference?

3.   Whether they feel invited, both by their children and the school: Do they get strong, positive signals from teachers and students that they should be involved?

Kathleen V. Hoover-Dempsey, Joan M.T.Walker, and Howard M. Sandler, “Parents’ Motivations for Involvement in Their Children’s Education,” in School-Family Partnerships for Children’s Success, ed. Evanthia N. Patrikakou and others

(New York: Teachers College Press, 2005).

The research questions above are interesting for the public school system to tackle.  And yes, each school is different but as a district as a whole, I believe there should be some commonality so that I, as a parent, can be effective and informed as my child works their way through the 12 grades – each and every year and at each and every school, regardless of which school my children attend.

Here are my responses to the questions proposed above – what are yours?

1.)   I do not know what my school expects from me as a parent – especially at the middle school level.  High school we’ll have to wait and see.  I don’t see my children’s friends’ parents actively involved unless we’re volunteering for a once-a-year chaperone event.  We all go to award ceremonies and concerts when they come up. I’m not sure if that is all my middle school expects; that seems to be all they are asking for.  At the elementary level, it seems to be all about fundraising – attention, I hate Chuck E Cheese night outs! And the fundraising might be school lead, PTA and/or teachers.  It might be for a charity, like leukemia, or for school programs, like PBS (Positive Behavior System), or just fundraising in general.  There has to be more to family engagement than just fundraising!

2.)   I do feel my knowledge and skills can make a difference; however I’m not sure where they are the most effective – in the classroom, organizing an event, attending district meetings?  I do not see a mass of parents standing up for the betterment of the schools or pushing for a specific cause within the system.  Ever once in a while, I’ll hear about a recess effort or a transportation concern, but I’m not sure what the end result was as energies seem to fizzle out. I hear about it once or twice and then that’s it. At least a few are advocates for just their child, so may be vicariously, they’ll improve the whole system – but that hasn’t really been effective as we’re counting on all of this RttT money to make a magical difference without aggressively engaging all parents.  Parents seem to still be sitting on the side lines without holding our administrators accountable.

3.)  At the middle school level, my child is too cool to listen to me, their parent.  Thus, I need the school and teachers to give me even more invites to be involved, in specific ways and more information as to the “life of a middle schooler in the classroom”. And I just don’t see that happening on a consistent basis.  PTA meetings are poorly attended, email communication is when the teacher needs it, and the phone alerts seem random at best.  I don’t want to feel like the only way to be engaged is to enter the building week after week.  (Then you have to get past the front desk issues.)  With so much technology around us, I expect us to do better as adults at staying informed.  But in reality, it comes down to the relevance of the message and connecting with your audience.

How connected do you feel as a parent to the overall environment of your child’s school?  Let me hear your thoughts on the three questions proposed above.

Leadership in Education – RttT focus

Under RttT, a lot of money and effort is focused on leadership.  You may have read about it mostly in the NewsJournal coverage when they review the Partnership Zones, the Vision 2015 conference and/or some of the other Partners like Vision Network.  All of these are high profile entities, schools trying to find strong leadership, and/or the worst of bad scenario’s in our state which draw a lot of the attention and potentially overshadow all other efforts and/or challenges.  Are we just trying to get the worst schools out of a deep hole?  Where are the leaders in our state who are setting a higher bar than before – not just trying to keep pace?

As parents in the BSD, what do you expect from our educational leadership and more specifically, your child’s school principal?  When you were growing up and attending school, this role probably looked very different as the demands today are numerous.

But here is what I expect of a principal as a parent:

o       Friendly Leadership

o       Responsible Delegator

o       Knowledgeable Politician

o       Effective Administrator

Yet, I’m not sure if that is the direction I am witnessing as a parent.  Some days it is hard to measure.  In the local media, there are examples of recruitment of younger leaders, principals who are more and more responsible for monitoring and evaluating teachers in the classrooms, and/or talks about all of the administrative functions and accountability of principals to meet the “Standards” of today.  And let’s not forget about “disciplinarian” and “policeman” functions of principals when things go wrong anywhere in the building and on the grounds.

I’m not sure yet if I have a “vision” for the ideal principal or what I think one should look like in about 10 years time.  But I do hope that they evolve from what they are today – as some days, I’m expecting more than I am getting.  Is that just me as one parent in the mix or are there other parents in our district looking for more as well? 

Please let me hear your thoughts on the topic.